


Make It All Go Away

by Thunderbird83



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Collapsing, Cuddling, F/M, Fainting, Freddie is blunt, Literal Sleeping Together, Procedure, Sedation, brush with mortality, crohn's disease, john and brian don't add much to this, lethargy, roger realizes he could have lost his girlfriend, supportive band
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 22:23:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20496293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thunderbird83/pseuds/Thunderbird83
Summary: Roger's girlfriend, nicknamed Sweets, becomes ill with a mysterious illness which causes her to waste away and sleep too much. One day she collapses during a doctor's visit, landing her in the hospital. Roger refuses to accept the fact that all they could find was dehydration and malnutrition and demands that they figure out what is wrong with her.On the day of an outpatient procedure things come to a head for Roger as he sees his girlfriend's emaciated state and realizes that he could have lost her forever.





	Make It All Go Away

-This is a one shot story based on real experiences of mine as I have Crohn’s Disease and the pain is very real. Last year I became ill very quickly and wished that I had Roger with me to cuddle as the pain got bad. 

I woke up that morning with the same dull throbbing pain in the lower corner of the right side of my belly, an irritating constant pain that I had been feeling for several days. Fortunately I had a colonoscopy scheduled that day and Roger was going to take me in. My boyfriend had gotten up before me(a miracle!), then put his hand on my shoulder as I was looking out the window to see if it was sunny. A sharp pain stabbed me and I grabbed at my lower belly with a wince and a grunt. 

“Oh god,” Roger’s blue eyes locked onto my brown ones. “I guess this procedure can’t come soon enough, right?” he wrapped me in a hug, extending one hand to where I was feeling the throbbing. “I wish I could make it go away for you, Sweets.” 

“I can’t take much more of this, Rog. I’m really at the end of my rope.” I moaned, pressing my head into his broad shoulder. 

“Just try to hold on a little longer,” he encouraged me, wrapping me even tighter. “you can’t give up.” 

“Sometimes I want to but I know you won’t let me.” I leaned my head up for a kiss which he gladly gave me. 

Poor Roger. I knew it wasn’t easy looking after an invalid like me but he had risen to the challenge very well. He had been there for me during those sleepless nights, when I had severe pain that kept me on edge for days at a time, he had seen me become sick from all the medications those doctors had stuffed down my throat for months. 

On the other hand it was because of Roger that I had a possibility of a firm diagnosis. About six days ago while he was at the studio, I had been at my annual checkup with my gynecologist when I became very lightheaded and fainted dead away. The nurse had immediately called an ambulance and Roger at once. He was white in the face, rushing in straightaway and demanding to see me. 

I hadn’t recovered consciousness just yet when he’d come in. I had been given intravenous solutions and my blood had been taken for various tests and Roger later admitted to me that he had been terrified by the sight of me and the fact I had an oxygen mask strapped to my mouth and nose. 

An hour later the nurse had come in with the doctor who told Roger that I had been suffering from dehydration and malnutrition. Roger had pointed out that I had been in pain for several weeks now and that they had better come up with a more concrete picture of what had been ailing me. The doctor had checked where I was hurting which brought me back to my senses pretty quickly! He took more blood and within the hour had detected signs of inflammation going on. 

The doctor signed me up for a CT scan which was the quickest way to figure out what was going on. With Roger’s encouragement I drank the contrast solution-gastrografin which was like a very mild sugary drink, waited with him forty minutes so the contrast had time to disperse through my system. I remembered that Roger sat on the bed with my head in his lap with me lying on my side as the pain throbbed steadily, he ran his fingers through my hair and kept up his reassuring stream of comfort. 

At that point Freddie and the others had shown up with flowers, all wearing identical expressions of concern for me. It was very sweet for me to see, Freddie had his hand on my shoulder as he tried to make me laugh, John had one of my hands as he talked to me about the band’s newest idea for a song, and Brian didn’t say much, sitting down in a chair and watching me. I gave him my free hand, for some reason I wanted to be physically connected to all of them for my own comfort and reassurance. 

Then I was taken to radiology, my circle of comfort was temporarily broken. I was positioned on the platform with my legs up on a plastic cushiony block, my arms positioned up above my head, then I was moved to under the CT scanner. The radiologist instructed me to put my hand up against the machine as he connected me to the IV output that would pump a premeasured dose of the dye into my bloodstream. 

The radioactive solution surged through my veins, making me feel very hot and flushed; the back of my throat seemed to burn. I had to shut my eyes as the scan proceeded, following the recorded voice’s instructions on when to breathe and when not to. 

It didn’t take long to do at all which was progress. The solution they had given me made me need to piss pretty quickly which I was able to do fast! My band buddies resumed their comfort circle around me, protecting me as a nurse gave me some pain medicine. I was drowsy but able to comprehend what the doctor told me half an hour later. They suspected Crohn’s Disease. 

Those two words had the power to change my life forever. 

The ER doctor told me he’d made an appointment for me with a gastroenterologist who would be able to confirm my illness. They would want to colonoscopy me for confirmation so that was what I ended up agreeing to do. 

Today was that day. I got in the shower then dressed myself in a long skirt, clogs(I understood why Brian liked them so much), a t-shirt and one of Roger’s old tour jackets. Roger got in the shower, had a quick breakfast, grabbed a book to read, then took me over to the doctor’s office. They did procedures on the third floor so we went right up there where I checked in. 

I filled out the form they gave me, asking about my general health overall and the name of my driver for the day. Waiting for the nurse to bring me back, I had more pain which made me gasp, alerting Roger to my distress. 

“More pain again, sweetheart?” he put his arm around me. I smelled his cologne and the shampoo he’d been using. His cologne always comforted me by just the scent. It was weird how just a familiar scent reassured me, come to think about it. Roger kissed my cheek, took both of my hands, brushing his hand through my hair. “We’re here to get answers as to what’s ailing you, Sweets.” 

I loved that nickname. It was so Roger to call me Sweets. 

“Freddie and the others send their love,” he muttered as I winced. “they’re at the studio right now but they’re thinking of us and they want to stop by after I take you home.” 

“That’s OK.” 

“Sure? You might still be sleepy.” 

“Even so. Just hearing your voices helps me.” I muttered. “I can’t explain it but you’re all so comforting.” 

“I’m glad you feel that way.” Roger kissed me. “You just remember that you’re in here to find out what’s wrong so they can treat it and you can heal.” 

Just then the nurse called my name. Roger and I rose up from the chairs and followed the nurse into a curtained off room containing a gurney, a cabinet for my things, and an automated blood pressure/pulse oximeter called a Dynamap. 

“Sit on the bed please,” the nurse took my blood pressure and pulse, both were a little low. Even my oxygen saturation rate(the percentage of oxygen in my blood) was lower than they liked so I was put on a cannula. “the doctor will be in to check on you after her finishes up with another patient.” she installed in IV line in the crook of my left elbow. 

“Come on then, move up.” the nurse left, Roger helped me strip(it was hard to do when I was connected to tubes), then I heard him inhale sharply. 

“What is it?” I turned to look at him as he sat on the gurney, his eyes wide as he looked at my naked torso. Roger shook his head in disbelief and I could swear I saw his eyes were a little bit damp in the corners. 

“I can see a few of your ribs,” he told me as he held out his arms. “you’ve been really sick. I hope they can sort out what’s wrong with you.” 

Roger’s faith was wavering as he gaped at my emaciated frame. Now was the time that I had to reassure him. I sat down in his lap as he pulled my hair back from my neck. “This is the first time you’ve expressed doubt, Rog,” 

“I know. I’m-”

“I’ve thought the same thing. Really,” I interrupted. “we need to take it one procedure at a time. We’ve gotten this far. If it wasn’t for you I’d be much worse off, I hope you know that.” 

“Yes I do, Sweets.” he hugged me tightly as the gastroenterologist, Dr. Knight, parted the curtain and walked into the little room. He shook hands with Roger and me then gave me the lowdown on what he was going to do. Basically it was sedating me and putting an endoscope up my ass to check for inflammation in my colon and ileum. 

“All right, time to take you in!” Dr. Knight summoned the nurses to steer the gurney into the procedure room. Roger had to leave his seat, but he gave me a kiss goodbye. 

“You’ll be in my prayers.” his blue eyes got a little teary. I put one hand up to the side of his face, he took my hand and kissed it, and then the nurses took me away. 

The procedure room was dark with a few video monitors and Dr. Knight was working at a computer in the corner. He asked me to state my name, birthdate and age which I did. A nurse got my blood pressure for like the millionth time and turned to the cabinet to get the medications necessary for pain relief and sedation. 

“Well now,” Dr. Knight, a tall and gangly man, smiled down at me from his six foot four height standing at my bedside. “what’s been going on exactly?”

I described the severity and length of my symptoms and Dr. Knight said they sounded exactly like Crohn’s symptoms. He palpated my abdomen which was excruciatingly painful and produced a few painful gasps. “Sorry. We will get to the bottom of this.” 

“Pun intended?” 

“Yes indeed!” Dr. Knight giggled. “Any questions for me?”

I put my hand on the bedrail. “My only concern right now is for you to take good care of me. I’ve never done this before.” 

“I will take excellent care of you,” he closed his hand over mine. “I will swear it. Remember I’m not fresh out of med school; I’ve done this more than a thousand times. Now, on your left side please.” 

“All right.” the nurse unscrewed the top of the IV port and injected me with the pain relief and sedative. Dr. Knight watched as within 30 seconds the drugs started to work and my vision became blurry. He gave me an amused smile and told me to sleep well. My eyelids felt weighted down so I closed them off to the world, happy to slip into a dreamless oblivion. 

The next thing I remembered was dimly hearing two people talking. “She’s been back here for about 35 minutes and she’ll be waking up soon. Have a seat, Mr. Taylor.” 

“OK, thanks.” my boyfriend sat down in the chair, I felt his hand grasp mine warmly. Both of us heard the constant sounds of the heart monitor as I sank back into my drug induced state. 

About an hour passed before I became more alert. The nurses had underestimated the power of the drugs and even though I heard Dr. Knight telling me that yes it was Crohn’s and he was going to start me on two different drugs I was still foggy and sleepy. When the doctor left Roger marshaled me up, got me dressed, then had the nurse take the needle out of my arm. He helped me get into the car, took me back home, got me into my pajamas and put me to bed. 

Later on in the day I was roused a little bit by the doorbell ringing. What time was it? I sneaked a little look at the clock radio and saw that it was 1 PM. My procedure had been at 8, I had spent roughly an hour in recovery, another 20 minutes in the car, and at home I had been sleeping it off for around 3 hours give or take. 

Roger had put me in my favorite red satin nightshirt, closed the blinds and left me alone. Now I turned from my side onto my back, keeping my eyes shut as I was still stuck in the sedation fog. 

“How’s she doing?” Freddie asked. 

“She did really well,” Roger’s voice came through the open door. “the doctor found what he was looking for. He gave her a couple of injections for pain relief and that will tide her over until we start her on oral medicine tomorrow.” 

Come to think of it that throbbing pain had actually gone! I folded my arms at my waist happily. 

“So what is your plan going forward?” John. 

“Short term it looks like steroids will help her beat this flare up,” Roger answered. “he wants her to start an immunosuppressant drug so she will be more comfortable.” 

“Where is she now?” 

“She’s in the bedroom, Brian. The nurse gave her a little too much medicine and she hasn’t regained consciousness for the past 3 hours.” 

“Let’s see if she’s awake yet.” all four of them crept into the room. 

“She’s so cute looking.” Brian sat down on the edge of the bed while Roger curled up next to me. 

“I think she looks very comfortable now.” Freddie sat opposite.

“Liz has been sick for what, four months?” someone reached for my hand. 

“About that, yes,” Roger agreed. “we both thought it was something temporary but as the pain stayed for over a month we both got suspicious. Sweets here deteriorated steadily since then and now I look back on it I think there were signs that I missed.” 

“Like what?”

“Well, Brian, her hair lost its texture and wasn’t shiny anymore which is a hallmark of malnutrition, she lost all her energy and slept all the time which definitely isn’t normal. If she hadn’t gone to her doctor’s appointment the day she collapsed we would have missed all of this.” 

“I think we can call it a blessing in disguise, Roger. There’s no point to overthinking this.” Freddie reassured his friend. “She’s about to start her recovery and that’s all there is to it. If she hadn’t collapsed she would not have gotten proper attention. Enough said.” 

“You’re right, Freddie. I just didn’t realize how bad it had gotten.” 

“How bad was it?” 

“John, she changed for the procedure this morning and I could see a few of her ribs.” Roger’s voice cracked a little bit. 

“You thought you could have seen it coming,” Freddie was gentle and understanding. My friend slowly drew his fingers through my hair. “you’re right, Roger-her hair has changed texture. The long and short of this is that she’s getting the help that she needs.” 

“That’s the end result, right?” John piped up. “She will be here and healthy which is all we care about.” 

“Ditto. Anyway, me and John just stopped in on our way to a meeting,” Brian stood up. “I’m glad that Sweets here is being so well looked after. We will stop by sometime tomorrow when she’s actually conscious.” 

“All right.” I heard Roger see them out. Freddie lingered on, opening up the blinds to cast the midday sun on me. The two friends exchanged some casual words then Freddie directly asked Roger if he was all right because he didn’t look it. 

“No, I’m not all right,” he admitted, sitting on the edge of the bed facing the window. “she could have died, Freddie!” 

“But she didn’t,” Freddie countered swiftly. “we all made mistakes, Roger. Do you expect to be superhuman, to save Sweets here when she needed it? I don’t think that even she knew how bad it was.” 

“I feel like I should have known, Freddie! She could have died because I-”

“Why are you taking the blame for something that never happened and would not have been your fault anyway?” Freddie sure was sharp and he cut Roger right off from being self deprecating. “Look, Rog, there’s plenty of blame to go around if you want to go there. Would you blame Deacy if he got sick and didn’t know it? Do you blame Brian for collapsing because of his hepatitis or because he had severe ulcers? Do you blame me for getting nodes on my throat and canceling concerts?” 

“Of course not-”

“Then why should she really be any different? Why would you take blame for something that didn’t happen and is out of your control? You aren’t responsible for her welfare, Rog.” 

Roger would have responded with more fault finding within himself, I knew him too well. Freddie’s words went right to his heart but they weren’t going to penetrate deeply. Only I could help him out on that one. I exhaled in a little sigh which alerted Roger instantly. 

“What was that?”

“She’s waking up, Freddie,” Roger went to my side, sitting on the bed next to me. “hey Sweets, can you hear me?” 

“Roger,” I mumbled, slitting my eyes open. My blonde boyfriend filled my vision, an anxious expression on his face. “darling.” 

“Welcome back,” he told me. “you’ve been out for nearly four hours now.” 

“I have?” my eyes opened up fully as Freddie leaned into my view. “They really put me out. How did I get home?”

“She has to ask!” Freddie laughed. “Roger brought you home, silly!” 

“Of course!” I giggled. Freddie’s laugh was infectious so I joined right in. “Rog, you look like you have some anxiety. Can you talk to me about it?” 

“Later.” he promised me as Freddie began to chat. 

I passed a few very enjoyable hours with Freddie and Roger then with Brian and John as they came back from their meeting. I had the rare joy of getting a kiss from all four of them! 

Suppertime came and Roger looked impressed as I was able to mow down my supper like I used to. “You must be feeling better then!” 

“Long gone are the days when I would just pick at it,” I announced happily, taking my suppertime medicine along with my meal. “this is the beginning of a new chapter, Roger.” 

“I guess so!” 

That night we watched some TV together, I went to bed at my usual time which was 10 PM, then slept for about an hour. I roused when Roger put another blanket over me but he didn’t come to bed like he should have. After a few minutes I looked up to see he was standing beside the window and gazing out into the city below. 

“Roger, what is it?” I sat up. He gave no indication of hearing me so I got up, put on my fleece robe, then went up to him. In the low light of the street lamp down below I put my arms around his waist and leaned into him. “You need to tell me, darling so I can help you.” 

“It’s about you,” his voice was strained. I moved to his side so I could see him better. There was a tear track down his eye. “I came in here to check on you and you looked so comfortable and serenely asleep then I realized I could have lost you.” 

“Oh, Rog. This has been hard on all of us. Do you still think that you’re going to lose me?” 

“I don’t know,” Roger shut his eyes. “after everything I’ve seen, Sweets...” 

My poor man. It wasn’t just the experience with me that shook him. He’d now seen tangible proof that someone could indeed die. I’d come the closest obviously; Roger was really worked up about seeing me so close to death and realizing that everyone dies eventually. It was a shock to him and also the fact that he was powerless to stop it must have really hit home. He was actually shaking so now I pulled him over to the bed and made him sit down. 

“Let it all out, darling.” was all I said. All his pent up anxiety and emotions came flooding through in a healing flow of tears. I held him as he put his head to my breast, my hand up to the back of his neck, rubbing that and his back alternately. 

Finally he mopped his eyes and glanced up at me. “Do you feel better now?” 

Roger gave off a shaky laugh. “I do.” 

“Then come to bed. I think you need a good snuggle tonight.” Roger obeyed, getting into the bed with me as I spooned him. 

“I don’t know why I made such a scene.” he giggled nervously.

“I do. I’m sure you’ve never thought about your own mortality, Rog. I came close to death and would have died if it wasn’t for you-”

“Don’t say that!” he squeezed my hand. 

“Regardless it was a shock to you to realize that someone you love can be taken away from you and you’re powerless to stop it,” I was unrelenting. “hopefully I have encouraged you to take a step and make peace with the things that are beyond your power to control.” 

Roger appeared to think about it for a long moment. “I think you’re right.” 

“Yes I am. Society prefers to bleach out mortality from mass media but we are wiser and we know better.” he turned to face me. 

“It’s true,” Roger kissed me in my left breast-right over my heart. “you seem better already.” 

“I am. And I’m not going anywhere.”


End file.
